The 10 Safety Rules:

Before we start on my rules here are the WHO rules which are much more clear to follow:

Rules 1, 2 and 3:  Stay out of hospital. Asking an emergency room doctor to treat a virus is like asking a hairdresser to repair a hemorrhoid they probably won’t do it very well.

Rule 4: Wash your hands more frequently than Pontius Pilate and more vigorously than lady Macbeth. Viruses hate getting the wash-off. Don’t shake hands, even if you meet the prime minister – actually, especially if you meet the Prime Minister!

Rule 5: Although the best face-masks have pores over 3x larger than the coronavirus, they do minimise the viral load your immune system has to deal with which means you will be immunized rather than neutralized.

Rule 6: Your kids are going to be okay. Actually, it’s a dark thought that they are more likely to harm you with coronavirus than you are them. I say put them in the basement and let them onto the PS4 until August, they won’t notice. From time to time, chuck a packet of chips in through the half-open door.

Rule 7: Treat your parents with care, preferably locked away upstairs in the attic, give them Netflix and they won’t hate you. Give them their own washing facilities and don’t let them out unless they are wearing full protection which is presently unavailable in Canada, so don’t let them out at all.

Rule 8: The threat of this virus varies from person to person, but it is most dangerous to hospitalized patients. As a healthy middle aged person your risk of death might be 0.5% but if you go to hospital to get treated, the people in the hospital have a mortality risk which is 20x greater than you or I – and they are many, but you are one, so imagine what you can do by going to ER.

Rule 9: Stay at home and watch TV – if you do nothing else it will be enough to save Canada from an epidemiological nightmare.

Rule 10: Learn the rules again

The official list is here

Thank you Ottawa Public Health for your efforts and support.